You can't special order awesome
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
