What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
