I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm passing your future prison.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
