The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
