Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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