my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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