Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
