I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
