they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
