I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
