but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
