i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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