you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize