This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
