So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
