is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
