Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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