why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize