I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I could make wine with my vomit
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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