I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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