she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
