i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
