The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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