Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
