Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
