in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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