You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Houston, we have a squirter
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
