we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
