Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
