I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
