Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i black out too much to be "responsible"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
