i was born a porn star she said
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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