how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
