So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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