i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
