Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
