running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
