I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
