i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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