I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
