I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize