I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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