Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
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