We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
