How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
