Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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