you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
