I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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