either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
