Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
