She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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