Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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