do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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