I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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