If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
