capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
