I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
