I heard we made out
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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