Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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