trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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