We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
