Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
