no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
