You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
