I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize