Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
