If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
