all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
