Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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