OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
