Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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