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i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
