i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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